It Comes in Waves

Sept 27, 2011

My Dear Ones,

It has been almost one year since Peter the Great went missing. And it comes in waves. They roll in and I’m under and cannot recover. Scraping along the gravel shell bottom of the sea. Which way is up? I become a ball of downward momentum with appendages and finally dizzy but still breathing. “So sorry for your loss” coming less and less. People know I’ve been to that place where no one wants to go. It’s uncomfortable, dangerous and perhaps contagious. I know, I was there. Not knowing what to say. Now that the immediacy is gone, they think it went away. They don’t see the clinging shards and rubble from my bout with the wave. Nor do they detect my gasping for air. Most think, “Why remind her?, Why bring it up?” That’s how I felt before, before “denile”...a river in Egypt. Ignore it and it still flows into the great sea where I was knocked off my feet, spun round senseless, broken and still barely catching a breath. Smiling, joking, living...the great tribute to human survival.

October 26, 2010, a one year memorial. It will play “Beautiful People”, a song Peter produced, risking his job with CBS by telling them it was just a demo session and booking a full-out union string session with Harry Lakowski. John Abbott was the arranger. And me singing in one take as Peter was so fond of saying, “she did it all in one take.” The tears of joy came later as I was swept away with the music, all of that counterpoint and a line I had hummed becoming a counter melody. My song living its own life. I was giving birth and Peter was the birthing coach. CBS knew nothing of it until the bills came in...and it was too late. Studio techs in white lab coats! Far away behind the glass, Peter in the middle of the room gesturing wildly, a conductor from Hell making sure everyone in the room could see and feel me: no vocal booth. And we make our first recording together at last, for the first time.

On October 26th, at 9 PM (Eastern), my dear ones, let’s play “Beautiful People”.