Epilogue for the Roadburn Cafe: From Massachusetts to Arizona

June 18, 2011

My Dear Ones,

I am in the desert with Beau. The scorpions are coming.

We drove across the country from Massachusetts to Arizona after Peter left his body on October 26, 2010. He had booked several shows in the Northeast, one in Massachusetts. And only a few days after he was no longer here, Beau and I felt compelled to finish up the gigs Peter had scheduled.

Beau never drove before. Beau was always the “artist in residence” passenger in the back seat of the car, or in the air. So it was all strange and other worldly to be going to Arizona by car. But we had planned it that way and that is the way we did it. You might or might now know I don’t drive ~ I have a license (and a perfect driving record), I just don’t use it. I’m a New Yorker. And then I became famous and was always driven and delivered. It was never my job or Beau’s to transport.

So the last stop for us was Arizona, the desert part. The saguaros, Highway 101 to the 202 to 60 and so on. Not the LIE to the Cross Bronx. All the water here is driven and delivered.

No, we’ve not been home to Nashville. We were taken in, first by friends of Jeordie. Jeordie has lived here for 10 years. Jeordie writes, sings and plays out 4 to 5 days a week in the Phoenix area. I so far can’t face going back to what was home...Leilah, Christiana, Analisa.

I met a remarkable woman who hosts shows at the New Vision Church, picks fruit for the homeless, does Bikram yoga, is a high roller at the casinos in Las Vegas and wins, owns an upscale consignment shop all around the theme of The Wizard of Oz, is a champion for LGBT causes and lives what people think of as the 60s ideals. She opened the door of her home and gave Beau and me a place to heal. Peter is saving her a chair in heaven. Beau wrote her a piece of music and me ~ when I get well again will think of a way.

Right now, the angels are having their way with me. Sometimes I am alone in this world, an inhabitant of an Ursula Le Guin novel ~ I rage, I cry ~ then it is as if nothing is different and I am OK, and then not ~ and we persist through this unimaginable, through the waves ~ or, as the line from my new song Live One goes, “is it brave or just the will to drown”.

I’m in the desert. The scorpions are coming.